Devin Eshelman: A mental health success story
By Ashley Shah
Devin Eshelman grew up in San Diego, primarily in Scripps Ranch. He recently shared his story about his mental health journey, including the challenges he faced, but also how he finally found the light.
“My parents separated when I was very young. Both of them remarried. My mom lived in La Mesa, and my dad was in Scripps Ranch. Growing up, I separated time between both of my parents. When I was going into high school, I decided to move in full time with my dad and went to Scripps Ranch High School (SRHS),” Eshelman said.
He described his time at SRHS as a generally positive experience.
“I had a great high school experience. I was involved with many different organizations. I played volleyball all four years. I helped coach the girls volleyball team. I used to play volleyball at the beach, or I would surf there. I volunteered as a counselor at the YMCA in the summers, and was a youth member of the board of directors there. I did not have a huge social life, but I was social enough,” he explained.
After graduating from SRHS in 2000, Eshelman went to the University of California, Berkeley. His mental health struggle began while he was there.
“I was not prepared for the classes or lifestyle at college. I needed to change my study habits, develop new social skills. But I was not able to leave the high school mentality. I pulled all-nighters to try and get assignments done,” he said. “I never asked for help. I did not have any structure. I did not have any support system. I had some friends in the dorms, but I did not have my family. I did not have anyone to talk to. I felt alone. At the end of my freshman year, I had started smoking marijuana as a way to comfort myself quite often.”
He stayed in Berkeley between the summer of his freshman and sophomore year.
“When I was staying in Berkeley over the summer, I was just getting worse. By the time I started my sophomore year, I was smoking every day. I had a full identity crisis going on because I was smoking, and that did not match with my identity before. The person I was proud to be was gone. I did not know what I was doing there anymore. I had stopped going to almost all of my classes,” Eshelman said. “I finally got to a point where I called my dad and told him I needed to come home.”
After coming back to Scripps Ranch, Eshelman went to see a psychiatrist.
“After seeing that first psychiatrist, things somehow got worse. I was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder, which was wrong, but I did not know that at the time. I was put on anti-depressant medications,” he said.
Eshelman struggled with psychotic episodes.
“I would get into these episodes where I was in a different reality. I remember one episode I had, where I had gone to the public library and I thought I had healed this girl. I really believed that I had the power to heal people,” he said. “Another episode I had was when I was driving on the coast, and I thought the ocean was coming up towards me, and I swerved my car and ended up wrecking it due to that.”
Eshelman was on and off his anti-depressants for several months. He still continued his use of marijuana.
“I could not stop smoking marijuana. My dad finally sent me to rehab. I was able to get clean. I was attending support groups to stay clean. However, even though I was clean, I was still dealing with mental health issues. I was not receiving the correct treatment for my mental illness,” he said. “I was still having drastic mood changes, where I thought I could do anything, followed by extreme lows. There is such a sharp pull when you are down. You feel so alone. It hurts to be alive. Existing is hard.”
In April 2003, while Eshelman resided in a sober living home, he attempted to take his life.
“I had gotten into one of those states of hopelessness. I was on the third story of that building I was living in, and I was crying because I wanted so badly to end my pain. I wanted to end the torment. I was not thinking of anyone else. I was not thinking of the future,” he said. “I cannot remember exactly what happened, but I have a vision. I dove from the third floor, and I landed on my back.”
Eshelman was admitted to the intensive care unit and later put into a rehabilitation hospital for a few months to recover.
“I was in a coma for a while. They did not know if I was going to make it. I could not use my legs. I had a metal rod and screws placed in my body to help me,” he said. “It really took me about a month before I even realized that I was now paralyzed from the waist down.”
At the rehabilitation hospital, his life started to take a turn.
“I genuinely could not have had a better experience. I got visits from my teachers, friends and family. Everyone would bring me books, music and things I once loved. Everyone on the staff was so positive. Being there brought my desire to live back,” he said. “I remember looking at myself in the mirror one day and seeing myself in a wheelchair and realizing this is something I did to myself. I needed help. Acceptance of my illness took me getting in a wheelchair. But even through that, I knew that I needed to persevere. I should have died, but I did not. I had a purpose in life because I made it through that accident. I made it for a reason.”
At the rehabilitation hospital, Eshelman was put into contact with a psychiatrist who finally correctly diagnosed him with bipolar disorder. He was put on lithium as his treatment.
Within the first year after his accident, Eshelman’s mother took a course called “Family to Family” with the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) as a way to continue to support her son.
“The class encouraged her. It showed her that she was not alone in having someone so close to her struggle with mental illness. She enjoyed it and asked me to take the course when I was ready,” he said.
Eshelman attended the course, which was called “Peer to Peer,” for those directly affected by mental illness.
“Taking that course was the best thing for me. I gained so much from that. It was part education and part support. It was a group class. We read from the manuals and did the exercises,” he said. “I also became involved with NAMI’s support groups. Those support groups changed my life. I got an identity after consistently going to those groups. My symptoms got smaller. I always say that what used to be a rollercoaster became a kiddy ride.”
Because Eshelman had such a positive impact with NAMI, they asked him to get involved in a mentor role.
“After volunteering with support groups, NAMI trained me to become a facilitator with the support groups. At the same time, I became a mentor for the class ‘Peer to Peer,’ which I had taken. Later on, I became a speaker for their ‘In Our Own Voice’ presentation. There are a few of us who speak that are the face of mental illness. We share our stories,” Eshelman said.
He was able to gain an associate’s degree in psychology. Additionally, he was certified as a peer support specialist in 2011.
Around 20 years later Eshelman is now involved with multiple organizations to help those struggling with mental illnesses.
“Today, I still speak for NAMI’s ‘In Our Own Voice’ presentation, which I have been doing for over 10 years. I am on the executive board of the SD Peer Council. I am regularly asked to speak about mental health and peer support at schools and other organizations,” he said. “I am on the team of certified peer support specialists of Inspired Mind Mental Health. We are a peer run organization with several products which I lead. I believe we are the inspiration for transformation of the mental health paradigm.”
He currently lives in San Diego with his wife.
“I am working on a book. I started this book over five years ago. It is a memoir. It has my story in it as well as the experiences I had in organizations, like NAMI who helped me. I am hoping to publish by next year. I am also helping my friend who has struggled with mental illness write a book about his experiences,” he said.
He provided some words of support for those who may be struggling with mental illness.
“You are not alone. You have a purpose. There is hope and there is help. It is okay to ask for help,” he said.
Visit: inspiredmindmentalhealth.com and NAMIsandiego.org. There is a warn-line and helpline on NAMI’s website.